Experts that study marriage say our home is often the worst place to find romance because of all the distractions.
I would like to share with you some ways to make your bedroom like a sanctuary and a place of beauty. Just as the Bible speaks of David finding refuge from King Saul’s pursuits of him, you, too, can come to view your bedroom as a place of refuge, beauty, and peace. Just as David escaped to his sanctuary called Engedi, you can create your own Engedi as well.
Start by picturing in your mind what the perfect place would look and feel like for spending time and making love with your spouse. What comes to your mind? What does this oasis look like? Can you detect pleasing smells and sensations?
Did you find yourself picturing a secluded cabin in the woods, or was it more like a deserted beach? Why do these types of places “feel” so special? Why do they seem so “perfect” for lovemaking?
When we speak of making our bedroom an Engedi, we are talking about trying to make it feel and look like a sanctuary. By sanctuary I mean words like a retreat, an oasis, a hideout, and a safe shelter.
Your Engedi should be a place where you and your spouse feel relaxed and peaceful. For most married couples, this would be their bedroom, and this room should actually be the most beautiful room in your home. The goal for this room is to make it your favorite room in the whole house.
In a book entitled, Intimate Issues, authors Linda Dillow and Lorraine Pintus say, “Walk into your bedroom and take a long look. Is it a place set for passionate love? If not, set the stage.”
As you begin thinking about how to work on your bedroom, here are a few key questions to consider asking yourself about your Engedi:
o Is your bedroom a space that welcomes you?
o Is it clean and organized?
o Is it attractive and pleasing to look at?
o Is it a creative setting for your lovemaking?
o Is it a private, secure, and romantic hideaway?
o Is it a sanctuary for the king and queen of your home?
If you are reading this article with your spouse, or plan to discuss this idea with them, consider discussing this question: If you could snap your fingers and change things about your bedroom, what would they be, and why?
Maybe your Engedi needs a little work. Know that whatever you do, don’t let your Engedi frustrate you-simply decide to make some changes a little bit at a time and your bedroom can become what the two of you want it to be.
Here are some things you can do to make your Engedi feel like a sanctuary. Even if you both love the way your bedroom looks right now, you might read something that inspires you to make some subtle changes-little things that can make Engedi even better. You may even read an idea you would like to incorporate in the future.
One important aspect to consider is to make sure Engedi ministers to your senses. God created us with wonderful senses for seeing, tasting, hearing, touching, and smelling. Try to keep these senses in mind as you’re examining and redecorate your bedroom.
The following list is to help the two of you begin having conversations about your Engedi:
1. Privacy. Make sure there’s a lock on your bedroom door and use it! Feeling secure during your lovemaking is often critical for a woman. Safety from intruders (even small, friendly one) is usually at the top of a wife’s list!
2. Eliminating noises outside the bedroom. If you are easily distracted by noises outside your room, you can try these little tricks:
a. Run a floor fan or sound machine in your room to block out noises
b. Play or turn up some music so you don’t hear noises outside your door
3. Have different types of lighting. Different forms of lighting will not only enhance your lovemaking, but can create a relaxing atmosphere.
a. Install dimmer switches to overhead lights
b. Purchase small table lamps and use low-wattage bulbs
c. Place strands of white Christmas tree lights in artificial plants or trees in your room
d. Candlelight. This can be very romantic. If you’re sensitive to smells, purchase unscented ones or those with gentle fragrances like vanilla or almond
4. Make this space beautiful to look at. Your mood can be greatly enhanced by what you see.
a. Purchase a beautiful bed cover for your bed. Your bed takes up a big percentage of the space in your room, so make sure it is something you both like looking at.
b. Buy attractive curtains or shades for your windows
c. Pillows can add a great deal of visual interest to a room. Also, they offer comfort and uniqueness to your times of lovemaking
5. Focus on your sense of hearing. Sounds like:
a. Your favorite relaxing and romantic CDs playing can make your stress level from the day’s activities come down tremendously
b. Some couples enjoy having a small fountain as part of their bedroom furnishings. The sound of water can certainly bring soothing results
6. Enhance your sexual desire through smell. Try some of these ideas:
a. Scented linen sprays you both enjoy
b. Scented candles
c. Ask your husband to wear your favorite after-shave lotion
d. Buy your wife some cologne that reminds you of her
I remember how this whole concept of Engedi first impacted me. Through my studies on sex and intimacy in marriage, I began to understand just how important Engedi is for my relationship with my husband. I tend to be a very practical person and had never spent much money on our bedroom; However, I realized I had underestimated how important it was to make our bedroom a place that was both beautiful and inviting to both of us.
Several years ago I went shopping. My goal was to beautify, and “sexify” our bedroom to make it more inviting and relaxing. My husband and I live in a log home, and I’ve always liked how the wood walls and the vaulted ceiling make our room feel warm and inviting. I had always felt like it didn’t required much in the way of decoration to make it feel special. However, I purchased some valences, a few unique decorations, and even bought an artificial fichus tree to sit in one corner of the room. Then I put a couple of little red and white strands of lights in it. Now it is one of our favorite ways to “set the mood” in our room.
Later we purchased a CD player so we could enjoy soft, relaxing music, and we also added some lightly scented candles. Finally, we purchased two wonderful recliners and placed them up against the wall, opposite from our bed. These allow us opportunities to talk in private and give us a wonderful place to relax. Now our Engedi is truly our favorite place to be whenever we are together.
My husband and I have also trained all our children-big and small-to knock before entering our bedroom. We’ve made sure that they understand our bedroom is not just another room for them to play in or to enter into uninvited.
Making small changes such as these have helped me realize the importance of what Engedi mean to us in our home. It has proven to be worth the time and the money to make our Engedi a very special and intimate place-just for the two of us.